Author: Summer Porter

Below is an update that I shared with my church… I thought that you might like to see it too.  We placed 273 blankets last year in nine hospitals!! And we’re trying to celebrate Breelyn in acts of kindness #BetterBecauseOfBreelyn.

It’s been a little over a year since I first talked to you about Breelyn’s Blanket Brigade.  To remind you of the details… Our daughter Breelyn Elizabeth died of SIDS in June 2016 at the age of almost four months.  When we were able to see her at the hospital, she’d been covered in a hand-made blanket.  We were touched by the gesture.  We felt the love of strangers in our darkest moment.

A couple of months went by and I decided that I wanted to learn to make blankets so that I could pass on the love gesture to others.  I decided to tell my friends about the project and I called it Breelyn’s Blanket Brigade.  I told everyone that I knew about Breelyn’s Blanket Brigade and fortunately, they told others.  Soon, I was receiving squares and blankets from family, friends, strangers, colleagues, prisoners, schools, and churches.

We soon partnered with the Center for Infant and Child Loss who now handles the disbursement of the blankets to emergency rooms and labor and delivery departments.  In 2017, we provided 273 blankets to nine health care facilities including: Washington Adventist Hospital, Shady Grove Adventist Hospital, Laurel Regional Hospital, Holy Cross Hospital, University of Maryland Baltimore Washington Medical Center, St. Joseph Medical Center, University of Maryland Medical System, University of Maryland Shore Regional Medical Center, and Cook Children’s Hospital in Texas.

While attending a child loss support weekend (A Memory Grows) in Texas, I unexpectedly met parents who had received one of our blankets.  The parents relayed how they’d felt so touched by the gesture that complete strangers would show such love.  I hate that we met under such circumstances but I’m so very glad that Breelyn’s Blanket Brigade was able to make such a difference in a dark moment.

If you are crafty, please consider joining Breelyn’s Blanket Brigade.  Make some squares or blankets.  Donate yarn.  Help us sew squares together to make blankets.  Be sure to check out our live events.  Child care is provided.

If you aren’t crafty, consider challenging yourself to do things that make the world better and tell us about it via social media with the tag #BetterBecauseOfBreelyn.  Maybe it’s giving an extra big tip on your bill, cleaning up your local park, whatever it is- we want to hear about it.  Breelyn lived, and we believe that the world is a better place because she did.

As always, thank you for your love and support.

Published at http://stillstandingmag.com/2017/12/bulk-baby-shampoo-blanket-connection/ on December 11, 2017

Last week my nearly four-year-old child was taking a bath. She was 2.5 years old when her baby sister Breelyn passed away from SIDS. When Breelyn passed away, we were parents to two children. And we bought items like parents of two children… this included baby shampoo in a mega huge bottle. So I’m bathing my child and I see that there is about ¼ of the shampoo bottle remaining and it hits me… this was the same bottle that we used to wash our dear baby who is no longer with us. When we use up the remaining shampoo, yet another thing that was Breelyn’s will be gone. Gone are the bottles and the pacifiers. Gone is the breast pump and frozen bags of milk. Gone are the matching sibling outfits. Gone is the crib, the car seat, the jumper. It’s all gone because she’s gone.

I know that it’s just shampoo but it mattered, it threw me, and that’s ok. It’s ok that I avoid four-month-old babies (Breelyn was nearly this age when she died). It’s ok that my breath catches when I see siblings in matching clothes. It’s ok that the story of baby Jesus makes me tear up. It’s ok that I unfollow (on social media) my family and friends who have babies.

It’s also ok that, while I delight in our sponsored child from Guatemala who was born on the same day as Breelyn, I also cry every time I open an envelope from her. It’s ok that it’s painful to see her growing footprints- because Breelyn’s footprints never grew beyond that of a four-month-old.

It’s ok that I’m not ok. The death of a child isn’t ok- it’s against nature, it’s wrong. Children aren’t supposed to die before their parents. God or any other higher power didn’t will the death of our children. Sh*t just happens and it’s ok that I’m not ok with my child being gone. It stinks.

But, she is gone and I’m still here. And so, I try to do my best to be better, to make the world better. One of the ways that I try to make the world a bit better is through making and collecting blankets for infants and small children that die in hospitals. We call it Breelyn’s Blanket Brigade. I know first-hand the feeling of knowing that a stranger has cared enough to put hours of work into making a blanket for your dear child who has just died. I’ve felt that love and I wanted other parents to feel that love too.

And so I make and collect blankets. I’ve placed 273 blankets so far this year. While I, of course, knew where these blankets were going, I’m not sure that I ever really thought about the reality that each blanket was received by real people, people just like me. But then I went to Texas for a child loss retreat with A Memory Grows. The retreat was made up of three other couples who’d also had child and pregnancy losses.

My spouse was telling of our story- of our loss of Breelyn and of our pregnancy losses that followed. He went on to share how we put a lot of our Breelyn energy into the blanket brigade, and how we just hoped that the blankets would help loss parents just a bit. And then the woman next to me says, “I think that I received one of your blankets.” And she had! Most of our blankets are disbursed in Maryland but I’d also sent blankets to a hospital in Texas where a high school friend is a pediatric emergency room nurse. I’ve only ever driven through Texas or touched down for an airplane change. But, here I was, for the first time, and sitting next to me was someone who’d received a blanket just two months earlier when her child had died. And she confirmed exactly what I’d felt- she and her spouse felt the love and care of strangers when they received their blanket. I’m still in awe of the randomness that we’d connect in person. It was amazing and sobering.

These blankets aren’t healing babies but they are helping to heal parental hearts just a bit. They’re showing that there is love in the world and that a stranger cared enough about a family, that they worked some yarn to make a blanket. And so, while I’m brought to tears by baby shampoo, I also choose to make the world a better place one blanket at a time. You too can make the world a better place. I’d love to hear how you’re honoring your children.

Summer Porter is a mom to a toddler and welcomed Breelyn Elizabeth who died of SIDS at age four months.  Summer has experienced two pregnancy losses since Breelyn died.  She is a big believer in counseling and in helping others who experience child loss via www.breelynsblanketbrigade.com.

Here is a piece that I wrote for Still Standing Magazine- check it out at http://stillstandingmag.com/2017/09/40-isnt-new-20-new-30/

So it turns out that 40 isn’t the new 20 or the new 30.  It’s just 40- as in my eggs are now 40.  It doesn’t matter that I don’t drink, I don’t smoke, I don’t do drugs, I’m even a vegetarian.  Eggs don’t care.  I was born with a full supply, and they’ve been with me since then.  But, if you’re a male, you get to make new sperm every couple of months.  That’s right, my spouse’s sperm are three months old, and my eggs are 40 years and two months.

I married at the age of 30 and attempted to make responsible choices.  We wanted our relationship to have been proven strong enough to weather what may come.  We had college and graduate degrees to complete and pay for.  Mostly, we just wanted to make sure that we were staying together.  A lot of relationships don’t make it, and we didn’t want to be a divided family.

All of our boxes were finally checked, we felt ready to move forward, and my eggs and I were 36.  We conceived our eldest Brooklyn without any difficulty.  I assumed that everyone had procreation ease.  I breastfed Brooklyn, she went on a temporary nursing strike (refusal to breastfeed), and my period returned.  I conceived our second child Breelyn.

Breelyn was born full term, healthy, and loved to nurse. And then, at the age of four months, she died of SIDS.  And it turns out that maybe we were right to wait to have children- until we were stable enough to weather the crap that was coming.  Statistics show that many marriages don’t survive the death of a child.  We knew this so we’re in counseling and we’ll continue to be in counseling.  And, honestly, we’re a mess, how can we not be?  But, we’re a mess together, and that matters.

So back to my eggs.  At the age of 39, my eggs, my spouse and his infantile sperm, and I decided to try for another baby.  Again, procreation seemed easy, right up until the appointment where there wasn’t a heartbeat.  And then at the age of 40, my eggs thought that they were ready to try again, and again, no heartbeat.

And so my eggs and I went to a fertility specialist.  We learned that my spouse’s sperm is just super and my eggs are well, still 40.  I’m becoming well versed on lingo like FSH (Follicle-Stimulating Hormone) which gives you an idea of your egg reserve.  Ideal level is under eight, tolerable is under 10, I’m not anywhere near either of those numbers.  Things aren’t looking good.  I’ll have an official appointment with my doctor next week to discuss what my pro-creation future looks like…

But for tonight, my eggs, spouse, super sperm, and I are going to do a bit of crying.  We’re going to be sad that we’ve lost Breelyn, that we’ve lost two pregnancies, and that our back up plan may not work.  We’re going to order some take out and eat some ice cream.  And, in the end, we’re going to circle back to our foundation- that there is always something to be thankful for… even if it’s only that your local sushi place delivers!

The outpouring of blankets has been positively amazing!!  I’d placed 75 blankets with local hospitals and then I stalled in progress. I couldn’t seem to connect with hospitals. I had something that would help their mourning parents but it just wasn’t happening… And then I realized that, since Breelyn died, I’d been receiving regular supportive communication from the Center for Infant and Child Loss (http://www.infantandchildloss.org/).  They provide counseling and support to families who have lost a child.

And so I reached out.  Response- Yes!! We’d love to help!!  Such a relief from me- now I can concentrate on making blankets and inspiring others to do the same.  The Center for Infant and Child Loss already has contact with many hospitals so they are going to handle the blanket placement!!

I met with their leader, LaToya Bates, and handed off 108 blankets!!  This makes our total 183.  Be sure to check out our Facebook page for pictures of all of the blankets.  They really are lovely. And thank you so much for your support of this project!  It really is inspiring and I’m really very touched.

I’ve been dreading tomorrow.  After tomorrow passes, I won’t be able to include Breelyn in my look back at the year. My memories will fade.  Today I remember with complete clarity what I was doing the week before she died.  I had a rocking presentation at work.   I was kicking butt on breastfeeding and pumping.  I’d created a Father’s Day card with Brooklyn and Breelyn’s handprints traced.  I dressed them in their first matching church outfits and took their last sister picture.  Breelyn had just started drooling so I put her first bib on.  We all had breakfast together as Breelyn sat in her carrier on top of the table.  And then Dave, Brooklyn, and Breelyn got into the car and drove away.  And hours later, our lives had changed forever.

It still hurts.  I hate that it ever happened. I hate that others have to go through this- that others will come after me.  And so I’m taking a moment of sadness, to just say that this totally stinks.  I hate it.

Tomorrow we are going to release butterflies at Breelyn’s grave and we’ll read a piece that my sister Amber found.  I think that it summarizes exactly what a parent (or at least this parent) is thinking.  Thanks for listening.

We Thought of You
We thought of you with love today
But that is nothing new
We thought about you yesterday
And the day before that too

We think of you in silence
We often say your name
But all we have is memories
And your picture in a frame

Your memory is our keepsake
With which we’ll never part
God has you in his keeping
We have you in our hearts

We shed tears for what might have been
A million times we’ve cried
If love alone could’ve saved you
You never would’ve died

In life we loved you dearly
In death we love you still
In our hearts you hold a place
No-one could ever fill

It broke our hearts to lose you
But you didn’t go alone
For part of us went with you
And now we’re praying for when God will take us all home